I spent yesterday dancing to a playlist of some fun music by the Black Eyed Peas, Beyonce', Christina Aguilara, Outkast, Missy Elliot, and others, trying to help McKayla drop even more into place and maybe get things moving along. Looking back, that would have been a kind of raunchy and irreverent way to bring this baby into the world, so I'm glad she didn't come yesterday. I do love to dance, though, and it felt good for my sore hips.
Today, Biblegateway.com's verse of the day came from Psalms 139. I cried as soon as I read it, because it is a chapter that promises 1. God knows us and cares for us, 2. We are never alone, and 3. God created us. I've read this chapter many times throughout my pregnancy because it so specially focuses on the unborn child and their life ahead. Here is the chapter:
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
What a beautiful promise to start the day with! McKayla has been knit together by God's hands in my womb. He saw her unborn body before she was created and knows her days before one has begun. She will never be alone and all she does, thinks, and anywhere she goes will be known by the Lord. He cares for her! I also believe the same for myself - in the early mornings, sleepless nights, and in the great learning curve of parenting, I will never be alone and God knows my heart. I can rely on Him to be there. What a blessing!
I don't know if today is the day she'll come to us. How awesome would that be after a morning like this? I trust that she'll come when she's ready. It is the baby that releases Oxytocin to start the contractions (I think that's just amazing) and so I have to trust and be patient that she'll stay in as long as she needs to for her growth, safety, and development. I shouldn't rush that.
I really am so excited about her birth. I'm not scared of the contractions or pain - I don't know how my body will handle them or what they'll feel like, so why should I fear them? My friend, Katherine, reminded me that women all over the world are giving birth naturally every day. They say that if you can see each contraction as one step closer to meeting your baby and go limp as if you're being tossed in a wave, then the pain will not be severe. Relax Relax Relax. Only in tension is there constriction (the oxygen and blood flow in the uterus is constricted when you tense up) so without tension, the uterus does a beautiful job of pushing the baby into position. I've also been told by many of my girlfriends that, in natural labor (no drugs), it feels so good to finally push out the baby. There is no pain there because it's such a relief and a joy to have reached the finish line!! I'm ready for that and so excited to finally meet this precious baby.
________________________________
McKayla,
You are a special creation, knit together by God himself. You will never be alone! I'm so excited to meet you, little girl. I want to hold you in my arms and sing to you. I want to kiss away your tears and comfort you. I want to feed you and watch you grow.
Your Father and I are ready for your arrival whenever you are. Brandon is going to be such a loving and wonderful Daddy and I can't wait to see how he's going to fall head over heels for you! He has been reading a book called "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" and realizes how important he is in your life. You two will have a special bond that will shape the rest of your life, the choices you make, and define who you will look for in a Husband. I feel confident you are going to be so well loved by your Father that you will be a confident and strong Woman.
We often wonder what you will look like - will you have red hair (like me), brown hair (like Daddy), or blonde hair? Brown eyes (like me), Hazel-green (like Daddy), or Blue? What features will you have? What will your personality be like - a witty leader, like Brandon, or a creative encourager, like me? Maybe both? Will you take more characteristics from your grandparents or great-grandparents? Brandon and I were both recessive gene mixes (the best way I can describe us). We do have certain characteristics and features from our parents, but we took our most recognizable features from earlier generations.
My red hair was a total surprise! Brandon's dark hair and hazel eyes didn't match his parents' or brothers'. Certain interests of ours are also a bit of a throwback to those long gone. I expect you might have the same.
Whatever you look like, whatever you are interested in or dislike and who God has created you to be is going to be so special. We love you so much already and your individuality is for a purpose we don't know yet. You are one-of-a-kind and you should always feel confident in who you are. You are beautiful and capable of doing anything you want to do.
We will do our best and trust the Lord for the rest. We won't be perfect parents and won't be able to protect you from everything. You will soon enter a world where there are scary things and where you will be lied to. We will do our best to be honest with you and help you understand things. We will protect you as much as we can while also letting you explore. We will teach you to love music, education, nature, food, art, and all that is enriching. We will learn from you and seek to understand your personality - what makes you thrive. We will pray for you and with you every night and teach you about this wonderful loving God who knows you and loves you better than we do and who created you in my womb!
Come soon, McKayla, when you are ready. We can't wait to meet you!
I love you so much!
Your Mommy, Elizabeth
